


Arm's Length

by sinceregalaxy



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, FIx It, I Don't Even Know, My writing style is shit, Slow Burn, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Then there's smut, Turns into angst I think, starts with fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-27
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-12 17:50:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9083026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinceregalaxy/pseuds/sinceregalaxy
Summary: "You want me to hate you?" he hisses. "Okay, I'll hate you."





	1. Coming Close Again

**Author's Note:**

> I saw the movie and, like everyone else, cannot get these two out of my head. I haven't written anything like this and posted it in like, two years, so bare with me. I don't know if the idea I was going for is clear enough, but I'm taking a chance. I'm posting the first part now to see if anyone likes it and so I can convince myself to write the rest. Enjoy, hopefully.

She drags him through the sand and into an imperial shuttle. It's much too easy. His body is leaner than it should be, for a man in his line of work. 

He is in and out of consciousness now. She props him up in the captain's chair and sits down next to him only to stare hopelessly at the control panel. 

By some miracle, he awakes, readjusts, and begins piloting the ship with impossible speed, occasionally giving her instructions. She cannot see the shockwave as they fly away from Scarif. She sees the destruction above the planet, rebel and imperial ships alike shattered and drifting. The battle is at its last moments, but no ship pays heed to the small imperial shuttle jumping into hyper space, away from the wreckage. 

She briefly grieves for her friends and the soldiers that they left behind. But now is not the time. 

He is now slumped in the seat beside her, his breath is short and his skin is warm. She goes in search of medical supplies, some bacta or even a simple bandage. She desperately tears the ship apart, cursing the empire and the rebellion and the whole kriffing galaxy because they'd already taken enough today. 

She finds nothing and returns to the bridge. He set the course for their destination; she does not know where they are going, she does not know if the ship will stop on its own. 

Her arms pull him to the ground unsteadily. She cradles his head in her lap and strokes his mess of hair out of his face. 

"You better not have condemned me to eternal hyperspace alone, Andor," she spoke softly. 

No answer rang in the quiet echo of the empty ship. 

:.:.:

The ship does stop, fortunately in the proximity of Yavin IV. She is able to get on the radio, and the traffic controllers are able to help her navigate and land the ship. They are both immediately taken to the med bay. 

She is kept in her room, against her insistent demands, for three days. 

Cassian does not wake up for another five. 

She is in the mess hall, on orders from Mothma to leave his room and take care of herself for an hour, when the news reaches her. 

She runs through the halls of the temple, not caring who she bumps and trips. 

He is asleep again by the time she arrives. But he wakes again in another four, and then she is there to see the small smile he gives her before he passes out again. 

The Death Star is destroyed by Luke Skywalker that night. 

She is almost relieved enough not to worry about him. Almost. 

He does begin to wake for longer intervals, and she fills his time with the story of the young pilot and the smuggler and the princess. They play many, many rounds of sabacc. She learn he's completely terrible at it, so she goes easy on him. 

He doesn't say much, and neither does she, nothing important at at least. It's not the time to reminisce or relive. He needs to heal. 

:.:.:

When he does finally get released, it's because the base needs to pack up the med bay. They're moving to a new location, somewhere icy, cold, and altogether displeasing, from what she's heard. 

The first thing he does is find a bottle of liquor and asks if she'd like to have a drink with him that night. She almost refuses, though she can't imagine why she would. 

He brings her to the top of the temple and sits, his long legs draping over the edge. He pops open the bottle, takes a long swig, and hands it to her as she sits next to him. 

"Didn't take you for a drinker, Captain," she asserts before taking her own sample. It's bitter and it burns, but it does its job. 

He shrugs and wipes his mouth on his sleeve. "It helps sometimes."

She doesn't argue. 

An hour later and the empty bottle has long toppled down the side of the pyramid. He is all smiles and she is all giggles. It's nice and it's mindless. 

"Lieutenant Jyn Erso?" he scoffs. "The Jyn Erso, daughter of the empire's mastermind. Imperial fugitive who deliberately disobeyed orders of the Alliance, is now a Lieutenant of the rebel army?"

"In the flesh," she remarks. 

"Now I've heard everything," he shakes his head as his hand absently searches the ground for the bottle they already emptied. She watches him curiously, not sure what to say or think. His hair takes on a deep blue hue as the starlight shines down on them. He lies on his back, and his eyes begin to shine as well. His hand finds hers and pulls her down so she's tucked into his side, her head resting on his shoulder. 

For a few moments, there is only the sound of their breaths mingling with the hum of the jungle. 

"Tell me something in your language."

He sighs and goes silent, for a moment she thinks he's fallen asleep, but then he begins to speak quietly. After a few beats she realizes he is singing. 

She can only guess at what he is saying, but his voice is soft and the tune is sweet. The alcohol sits heavy in her head and his song heavy in her chest. Her eyes drift shut as he pushes the hair from her face. She falls asleep under the stars and beneath his gaze. 

Two days later they board his ship and leave for Hoth. 

:.:.:

With the losses they sustained in the last couple of weeks, the rebellion can no longer afford letting anyone take a break. As soon as they step off their ship, Draven steals him away for a council meeting, and she is given an ice pick and a torch of sorts and a list of locations to hollow out. As a second thought she is given a warmer pair of pants and a heavy coat. 

The planet is still kriffing cold. 

They see very little of each other the next few weeks. Cassian is greeting new transports with the same ice picks and warm clothes. She's using said gifts and freezing her ass off. 

They pass each other, on occasion in the ever-expanding white halls. He gives her an awkward smile and avoids eye contact as much as possible. He knows she's pissed. 

She wants to be pissed; she's only a rank below him now, and the Alliance is still treating her like the problem child. But he is still recovering from his injuries, and she's glad his bones don't have to sustain the hard labor. 

Her assignments surprisingly find her working with Han Solo, and it pleases her to know she isn't the only "hero" stuck with dirty work. They spend hours whacking and melting the ice, all they while Solo mumbles about old men and princesses and medals and how cold it is. 

She wonders why he is still here. He hasn't enlisted and cave digging isn't exactly the work of mercenaries. Clearly he finds no joy in the work either. 

"So you're the one who stole the plans, huh?" he queries on their water break one day. 

She nods, and tries not to think about how the Rebellion gave him a medal for saving the galaxy, and she got a lousy promotion for giving him the chance to do so. 

"Would it have been possible to give those kriffing plans to a different princess?"

Her only response in a knowing smile. She takes one last drink of water and gets back to work. So that's why he's here, she thinks. 

:.:.:

It takes two months before the base is fully constructed. It's a meandering mess of tunnels and caverns; the cold air clings to her wherever she walks. 

She gets lost at least twice a day. 

It takes two months before she is finally given a room assignment. It's small with a cot and some shelves. It's two doors down from Cassian's room, only he was given a private refresher. 

The first night, she likes to think she really did try to use the communal refresher. In reality, she took one look at it before marching into his room with barely a knock. 

"I'm using you refresher," she announced. 

"Okay," he replied with a small smile, hardly looking up from what he was reading. 

It was the best shower she'd had in years. 

It takes two months for her to receive her first official mission as a soldier in the Rebel Army. 

She's going to Arkanis to meet a contact with information on Imperial enlistment and to look for potential defectors to join the Alliance. 

It's an intelligence mission and it's a recruitment mission, but he isn't going with her. 

She's pissed, of course. He's reassuring. They need him at the base a while longer, to ensure all of their current recruits complete their training. 

Grudgingly, she leaves the base with a different captain and two cadets. 

:.:.:

It rains and it rains and it rains. 

She can't decide if she hates the rain or the snow more. Both are kriffing miserable, really. 

She listens to the rain beat against the ship every night, missing the silence of the cold and warm showers and falling asleep under the stars. 

She misses him. She tries not to think about what that means. 

They're on Arkanis for three weeks. They extract the information they came for and are taking back two recruits. 

On the last day, she finds an imperial security droid propped against an ally wall, circuits fried from the onslaught of rain. She convinces the captain to let her bring it back, so long as she carries it back to the ship. 

The two recruits are more than eager to help, thank the Force; the heavy plating on the droid is not light in any way. 

It is the middle of the night when they finally make it back to Hoth. She is off the ship as soon as they land in the hangar, running to his room. She throws the door open loudly; he jumps for his blaster and aims at her. 

"Jyn?"

"Get up. I have something to show you." She throws his jacket at his chest, grabs his hand, and leads him back towards the hangar. 

When they arrive, the recruits are pulling the security droid out of the ship, propping  it against the wall. 

"What?... Jyn?" Cassian stutters, striding towards the droid. 

"Can you reprogram this one too?"

He moves the droid's limbs and checks the wirings for a few moments, a dumbfounded look on his face. 

"Well?"

"Yes," he whispers standing up. "Yes, I can." 

He turns and picks her up in a tight embrace, spinning her around a few times. She laughs and can feel the smile pressed into her shoulder. They hold each other for a while, neither quite sure when to let go. The recruits she brought back are starting to give them a funny look, so she finally steps back. 

The smile has still not left his face. She knows it's not going to turn out well if she keeps putting it there. But, oh, how she wants to see it everyday. 

:.:.:

It's been over three months on the new base. Caverns have been hollowed. Supplies are organized and stored. The surrounding area is scouted. Rooms have been assigned. Most of the recruits are trained. Aside from the occasional mission and daily duties, every soldier has little to occupy their bodies and minds. 

So, naturally, the rumor mill is in full swing. 

There's talk about them, especially among the recruits and cadets. She hears something new every time she's out of her room. 

"I heard every night Lieutenant Erso spends two hours in Captain Andor's room."

She is still showering in his refresher. If she stays to talk with him for too long after, that's none of their business. 

"Yesterday I saw Erso giving the Captain head in Mon Mothma's office."

She dropped some recruit profiles. She had to pick them. The positioning was awkward. 

"Jyn likes it when Cassian gives it to her rough in the cockpit of his ship. I saw them yesterday. They didn't leave the ship for hours."

They were downloading Kay's program data from a ship that made it from Yavin IV. He reached around her, lost footing, and they fell, hard. She still had bruises. 

They never talk about all the things they heard about their relationship. They talk about missions and planets they'd been to and K-2SO. 

Sometimes they talk about the real drama happening on the mostly desolate planet Hoth, and that was the tragedy of Princess Leia and Han Solo. 

If the Alliance released a gossip tabloid every week, those two would make the front page every time. 

In the mess hall, she hears them arguing from an adjacent room, their voices loud enough to carry through the large cavern. 

"I can't go Dandoran, Jabba's got hunters every where in that sector."

"Well, then we'll get you the money to pay you debt."

"It's not that simple."

"You've refused every mission we've given you. Why are you even here?"

"Dios mío," Cassian whispers as he sits across from her, setting down his tray. "Why does every one think they like each other?"

"Well, they clearly do," she mumbles, picking at her food. 

"How so?"

"I don't know, it's just when people fight or look like they hate each other, it usually means they have feelings."

"That doesn't make sense."

"I guess you just don't know anything about love," she teases before regretting it, seeing the look he gives. 

He's silent through the rest of his meal and can't seem to erase the funny look on his face. 

:.:.:

Cassian finally completed the rewiring programming on K-2SO Mark 2, as she's been calling it. Fortunately, Kay had saved his hard drive onto a ship hard drive a couple of months before Scarif, so most of his memories are intact. 

The first thing he does after booting up in Cassian's room is look at the icy room and let out a long mechanical sigh. 

Then he asks who she is and why she's welcome in Cassian's room. They spend hours trying to explain all that had happened. It should have been a shorter conversation, but Kay refused to accept most of it. 

"I just don't see why he didn't leave on Jedha... Wait, he didn't kill your father because...?... You went with her? Willingly?"  
   
Cassian is incredibly annoyed and tells Kay to shut down as soon as they finally get to present events. 

She yawns and stretches as she stands. 

"Sorry about him," he says. "He's always had an attitude problem."

"It's fine," she mumbles, stumbling towards the door. "G'night Cass."

"Night, Lieutenent."

She briefly ponders over his farewell. He has been increasingly distant over the past week. But sleep calls her name, and she brushes it from her mind as she climbs into her cot for the night. 

:.:.:

They finally, finally, are assigned their first mission together on Raxus. It's a reconnaissance for a potential new base, and a chance to recruit more soldiers. 

"We leave in two hours," he says evenly as they leave the meeting hall. Then he turns without a smile or another word. 

The journey to Raxus is miserable. 

Cassian is distant and unresponsive. Kay-tu will not shut up about the odds and her being there. 

It's feeling much too like the trip to Jedha when she first met the two. She spends most of the time in the bunks on the lower deck. 

The planet itself, on the other hand, is quite beautiful. The capital city, Raxulon, looks like it used to be a bustling and busy port, but has since faded into quiet streets and empty alleys. The outer regions of the city are speckled with farms and trees, eventually turning into lush forests. 

They land the ship in a clearing and walk towards the center of the city. Cassian forces Kay-tu to stay behind again, despite insistent complaints to the contrary. They find a dingy motel just past the rural area, and Cassian is able to get them two rooms for the week. 

The first two days go as well as could be expected. They find potential base locations in the forest areas and speak to some of Cassian's contacts in Raxulon. 

On the third day they run into a gang. Despite having taken on hundreds of imperials and a super weapon and still walking away more or less unharmed, Cassian still gets knocked out, and she gets captured. 

Kriffing perfect. 

The gang of Siniteens throw her in a cell with two other humans. They don't have her do anything but sit there. She wonders why keeping prisoners is necessary when they are not a nuisance or used as means of labor. 

 

The other to prisoners are brother and sister and refugees from Chandaar. They're young, and eagerly agree to join the Alliance, provided they escape. 

After two days, one of the Siniteens brings food and water; she takes her chance. 

She kicks and punches and steals blasters and leads the other two through the winding building. She shoots through more giant, brainy heads than she can count, until she runs straight into a normal sized head with thick brown hair. 

"Cass!" she says brightly. 

"Jyn?" he says stepping back. "What the kriff are you doing." He sounds pissed. 

"Escaping," she snarks. "You gonna help?" 

:.:.:

They get out and make it back to the hotel. Cassian does not say a word, and his face is contorted in a perpetual frown the entire time. She is at a loss at the cause of his anger. 

She allows the two prisoners she'd met take her room, assuming Cassian wouldn't mind too much if she crashed in his. She opens the door to find him pacing across the room. She refuses to ask what his problem is before he speaks to her, so she sits on the bed and watches. 

"What were you thinking?" he finally grits out. 

"I was thinking I wanted to enjoy my nice vacation away from that kriffing ice planet, and that wasn't going to be possible from a jail cell," she answers, standing to face him.

"I was coming to get you, you didn't need to take the risk."

"I didn't know if you'd find me in time."

"You could have died."

"I didn't."

"I thought you were dead," he seems to choke on the words, like he's breaking a little at the thought. 

"I'm not." That is the wrong thing to say, he is clearly upset and worried. But she wants to provoke him. He's been so closed off the past few weeks, and she wants to know why. 

"You've been acting so strange lately, why?" she asks, sincerity creeping into her voice. 

A still moment, and then he is grabbing her by the shirt and throwing her against the wall. His face is only mere centimeters from hers. His eyes are burning bright with the heat of rage and something else. 

"You want me to hate you?" he hisses. "Okay, I'll hate you."

His lips press firmly to hers; his hands rise to pull her face in closer. His kiss is invasive, but passionate. Her fingers grasp his coat and she returns it with the same violence and fervor. 

It happens all to fast. They're hips are grinding in a shaky rhythm, and soon jackets and clothes and undergarments are torn from frantic limbs. They're lips hardly part for a moment. And then he is inside her, thrusting distraughtly as her back is pressed into the rough texture of the motel wall. He head is bowed on her shoulder, and his hands dig into her hips. Her fingers are buried in his hair. 

"Gods Cass, don't stop," she breaths as waves of pain and pleasure wash over her. 

And as they both near the edge, she realizes she doesn't want it, not like this. Not something born out of anger and lust. She wants him smiling. She wants to kiss him slowly and tell him how much he is to her. He deserves that much. 

When they both come down, he rests his head on her shoulder, and she keeps her hand tangled in his thick hair before he finally sets her back on the ground and backs away. 

He starts pulling his clothes on, so she does too. He sits on the bed, crossing his legs. He faces away from her, and his head is dipped, looking at the hands in his lap. 

"I cannot hate you," he whispers moments later. "I cannot love you like that, Jyn."

She opens the door and slips out of the room into the night.


	2. By Holding Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all who read and enjoyed the first chapter; this story was more well-received than I ever could have hoped. Rather than starting fluffy and ending angsty, this chapter starts angsty and ends kind of fluffy. It's from Cassian's POV. Put on my rebelcaptain playlist while you read, if you'd like (https://open.spotify.com/user/lindseywadsworth71/playlist/1JFJ3Fzcgdc2yDPlNdOim0).

He waits for Jyn to come back for two weeks. He scours the city and the surrounding villages. He pilfers through the thick forest searching for any sign of her or where she might have gone. 

He turns up with nothing. A girl on the run for so long learned to cover her tracks well. 

The Alliance has been paging his ship for a week now, demanding a status report. Another day of radio silence and they will assume him to be dead. 

He sits in the cockpit, staring blankly at the controls, willing the Force or whatever gods may be out there to bring her back, or to at least show him a sign. 

The ship continues to hum and the pager continues to blink. Nothing less, and nothing more. 

He sighs deeply and picks up his comm. He reports his continued location on Raxus and the two recruits from the Siniteen prison that will be returning with him. Then he reports Lieutenant Jyn Erso as presumed dead, most likely captured and executed by a local gang. He might as well keep the Rebellion from looking for her, if she doesn't want to be found. 

What's another death on his hands anyway?

He calls Kay into the cockpit with him. 

"Time to leave?" the droid asks. 

He give a noncommittal nod. 

"We are better off without her anyway. And good for her, I don't want to go back to that chunk of ice either."

The captain grits his teeth and prepares for departure. 

:.:.:

He is now having trouble finding someone with even a minimal amount of liquor left. Since his return from Raxus, the base has been suffocated my a month long blizzard, and it's hard enough to bring food in, much less smuggle alcohol. 

Everyone on base is getting antsy, and the numb of a drink serves as a nice way to calm the nerves. 

The liquor does calm him; he was never a man meant to be idle. He has always been in the action, never one for sidelines or playing behind the scenes. 

But really, drinking distracts him. Alone in his room at night, nothing can stop the thoughts that haunt him. His mother. His father. Bothers and sisters. All gone in the night before he could even understand why. Every life he's taken for a cause that's willing to cross every gray line. Every trust he's betrayed. It all comes rushing back. 

And now the one good thing he thought he had, the one healthy distraction he thought he'd finally earned, is gone because he couldn't control himself. He couldn't find a way to let her in without hurting her too. 

He hates her some now, and he hates to think that hating her might have made her stay. 

He hates himself the most. 

So he downs the last of his bottle until the losses are harder to focus on. He sleeps now, only because his mind is too numb to dream. 

:.:.:

The blizzard clears up after six weeks under the unforgiving wind and snow. The base is coming back alive. The hallways are filled with bustling soldiers excited at the prospect of new missions and the chance to escape the frigid planet. Ships come and go regularly. So many recruits have wondered into the icy halls that the Rebel Army is almost what is was before Scarif and the Death Star. 

It's refreshing and it feels like the only home he's ever really known. 

He still feels like shit. 

General Draven has yet to give him another mission. The Empire is still struggling to move on after the loss of the Death Star. To the Alliance's knowledge, no major advances by the Imperials are even in development at the moment. No need to send out an intelligence officer when there is no intelligence to extract. 

At night, he still finds solace in a bottle, now being smuggled in on a regular basis.

During the day he wanders. For hours upon hours he circles through the base, watching shipments arrive, soldiers laugh in the corridors, recruits running caf back to the officers in the command center. There's nothing else to do but count his steps, thousands and thousands of steps. The numbers are the only thing he lets through his mind during the day. 

Even Kay stays busy, running statistics for supply rations or probabilities for missions. It seems like he is the only one the Alliance is refusing to use anymore. 

"Captain Andor," a voice calls him one day. 

He halts his feet and turns around to see Leia Organa poking her head out from one of the briefing rooms. 

"Yes, miss," he states firmly, assuming a rigid military stance. 

"At ease, I'd like to speak with you a moment," she says, disappearing into the room. 

He follows her, watching as she continues to work, shuffling data cards and forms around the messy tables. He has been in her presence many times but never had the chance to speak with her. She's been around a long time, with her father, and he can remember when she was just barely a teenager, her two tight buns and white gown. She looked just the same, right after the Death Star. But now only a few months later, she looks older, wiser. She wears only one tight bun and heavy clothes to fight the cold. 

"I apologize for not speaking with you sooner; the last few months have been busy, to say the least," she says coolly, still reorganizing the tables. 

"I understand," he replies. "What is it you need to speak to me about?"

"Well, I never got the chance to say thank you for your actions on Scarif. You and the others were instrumental in the destruction on the Death Star."

He tenses, "It's nothing anyone else here wouldn't have done. I'm glad you were the one to continue the fight for us."

She smiles gratefully, and leaves the messy table to focus on him more fully. "I also wanted to offer my condolences for the soldiers you lost, and for Lieutenant Erso."

He swallows and nods.  

"You seemed close with her, from what I saw," she continues. Then, with a smile, "and heard."

His mind scrambles for something to say in return, but they are thankfully interrupted by a young cadet, shyly marching into the room. 

"I apologize, Princess," the cadet starts, and Cassian does not miss the face Leia makes at the title. "Han Solo is asking for you. He wants to know if his next supply run is actually necessary, or if it's one you just give him to keep him busy." 

Leia sighs heavily, her fingers coming up to massage her temples. 

"I'll be there in a moment."

The cadet nods and leaves. 

"Excuse me, Captain, I have to speak with my favorite mercenary," she says sarcastically. 

She goes to leave, but he puts his hand on her shoulder to stop her. 

"Jyn... Er, I mean Lieutenant Erso. She said that you like him," he states quietly. 

Leia seems surprised at his forwardness, but she gives a hesitant nod anyway. 

"She also said that he liked you, too."

He barely notices her eyes widen. 

"Please don't take that for granted," he says, a little desperately. "And when he tries to leave, do everything you can to make him stay."

She gapes at him, the shock at his words clear in her features. He clears his throat and steps around her and into the hallway. He makes it ten steps before he hears her voice again from behind. 

"Captain."

He stops. 

"Thank you, again," she says, almost too quiet for him to hear. 

Without turning back around he nods, then begins to count steps again.

:.:.:

Three days later General Draven calls him to the briefing room and gives him a new mission, this one on Eriadu to extract information on Imperial expansion in the outer rim. 

The two recruits Jyn found in the Siniteen prison are assigned to accompany him on the mission. It seems the mission will not be as much of a distraction as he had hoped. 

He learns more about the brother and sister en route to Eriadu. They are both sixteen, but that is about all they have in common. 

The boy's name is Xiao, and he is one of the last descendants of Xim the Despot. He is very proud of this. His eyes are filled with the same idealism that Cassian sees in all the new soldiers' eyes. The same determination he has caught glimpses of when he passes Luke Skywalker on the base. Xiao has a quiet focus; he has already earned himself the rank of Junior Lieutenant, and other soldiers look up to him as a strong and competent leader. 

The girl, Luan, is a stark contrast to her brother's calm composure. She rarely lets a sweet yet mischievous smile leave her face. She has a quick wit, and never misses a chance to tease Kay. He can sense her intelligence and her passion, though she works hard to hide it. 

He is painfully reminded of Jyn every time he looks at her. 

"You should stop staring," Kay tells him as he watches the two play a game of sabaac. "It only makes you more depressed."

"You don't know what you're saying."

"Yes I do, Cassian," the droid hums quietly. "I know you better than anything."

Luan cheers in victory while her brother groans. Cassian forces himself to look away. 

:.:.:

He wishes, for at least the tenth time on this mission, that's he'd gone alone. The twins are too young, too unscathed, to be exposed to the harsh reality of the intelligence world. 

But then again, so was he ten years ago. 

It takes him about ten minutes on Eriadu to learn that they may not be in official Imperial territory, but they're somewhere almost as dangerous. 

It's common knowledge that Eriadu is home to the Tarkin family. However, what the Alliance failed to realize is Ranulph Tarkin is still raging after his cousin's passing on the Death Star. Imperial forces permeate the planet, hunting rebels and Alliance sympathized a. 

He requests the Alliance to terminate their mission, as it is too risky with the young recruits, who have no training in concealing themselves. 

General Draven comms him back, declining the abandonment and heeding orders to kill any contact that learns their true identity as Rebel soldiers. 

He wants so desperately to disobey the orders, and if Jyn were here he probably would have. But he knows that the Alliance needs the information. 

He does not leave the twins on the ship, fearing they'd be discovered. So they follow him. They listen to him pry into heads to get the information he needs. They watch him comfort each and every one, right before takes the light right out of their eyes. 

The light in the twins' eyes goes out, little by little, the more time they spend with him. 

They leave with only the rumor of some kind of shield being built on one of Endor's moons. It's not nearly worth what was lost. 

Xiao and Luan are much quieter on the way back. 

:.:.:

It turns into months of the same thing. Draven sends him on intelligence missions with the twins. Most of the time, it's only Luan who comes; Xiao is getting assignments with the fleet. But he is never sent alone anymore. 

Luan is becoming an excellent intelligence officer. Her wit and her courage serve her well. People trust her easily, and that is the key to squeezing information out of terrified people. 

He refuses to let her be the one to kill their contacts. 

She's been a good friend to him, so it's no shock that Luan is approaching the table he's seated at in the mess hall. 

Her glowing smile catches him a little off guard. 

Her grabbing his hand and pulling him in the direction of the hangar is a complete surprise. 

"You'll never believe this," she says compelling him to match her brisk pace. 

"Where are we going?"

Luan doesn't answer, her smile just grows bigger. 

They make it to the hangar, and he is no less confused than he was five minutes ago. A large crowd is gathering by Solo's ship. 

They near the ship and he can hear someone shout, "Captain Andor reported you as dead."

"Well he had every reason to believe so, I don't blame him," a familiar voice rings, barely audible over the commotion. 

Someone on the outside of the crowd sees him, and shouts for everyone to move aside. He's pushed to the inside of the circle, where Han Solo, his Wookiee, and Leia stand. The smuggler displays a cocky smile towards an amused Leia. He moves around them, and sees her there, just the same as the last time he saw her, with the addition of a few bruises on her pale face. 

"Jyn?" he says tentatively.

Her head turns towards him, and he immediately sees her face light up with recognition and joy. 

"Cassian!" she shouts. Jyn runs to him and he is enveloped in a warm embrace. The crowd cheers. 

He wants to be angry, as angry as he was that night she left. He wants to ask her why she left, and why she came back now. He wants to pry into her head like he does with each of his contacts and take the information from her, taunt her with it. 

But it feels so, so good to have her here now. To wrap his arms around her small frame. When she pulls back, he sees in her eyes the promise to talk later, and he lets his anger dissipate for now. 

He watches Luan and Xiao run up to greet and hug her. Han Solo keeps ruffling her messy hair playfully. Some of the young soldiers come to say hello, and that they're glad she isn't dead. Even Kay says something to make her smile. 

He realizes then, that he was never alone in missing her all this time. 

:.:.:

Everyone wants to celebrate Jyn's return. They gather in the mess hall, and it's one of the few times Draven has allowed alcohol to be consumed, at least officially. It's hard to say no to hundreds of men who aren't really being paid for their service.  

Cassian stays for an hour or so, before departing from the increasingly rowdy celebration. He slips into his ship with tired eyes and a half empty bottle. 

Jyn finds him half an hour later, sitting on the floor and head resting on the wall. She joins him there. He offers her the bottle, and she takes a quick drink of the hard liquor and hands it back. 

"You went along with the story I gave them," he states quietly. 

"What do you mean?" she replies, and sees genuine confusion in his face. 

"I told them you had been captured and killed by the Siniteen gang. You haven't told them any different."

"Well that's because it really did happen," she smiles at him. Seeing confusion written in his face, she continues. "After we... after I left the motel, some of the Siniteens found me. They took me off planet almost immediately, as far as I can tell. Sold me into slavery on Kessel. Took me a few months to get out of that one, and then Solo found me in the port city. Great timing on his part, really."

Cassian takes another swig from his bottle and stares across the room. "I thought..." he starts. "I thought you left me after I... because I..."

Her hand come rest on his jaw, and she turns his face so that his eyes meet hers, deep and warm. "I never wanted to leave you, Cassian," she whispers simply. 

It seems they only talk when they're either drunk or angry. 

They polish off the bottle, exchanging light-hearted anecdotes of their time apart. The conversation comes to a lull eventually. He observes her now, eyes closed, a ghost of a smile brushing her mouth. Her short hair is falling out of the small bun she always wears. It feels surreal, to have her back after all this time. 

"You're beautiful," he whispers without thinking. 

Her eyes open and she lifts her head to look at him. "What?"

"You're beautiful, Jyn." 

His fingers brush the strands of brown hair from her face. Her eyes are locked with his, a shaken hand comes to rest on the back of his neck, and another on his chest. He leans forward slowly. 

"Cassian," her quiet voice rasps. 

"Yes, Jyn."

"I am afraid," she wavers. "I am afraid, that I am going to lose you too." She seems to be collecting herself, willing her voice to say more. "I am afraid, that you are the only thing keeping me here, and I'm afraid of what that all means. 

"Okay," he nods slowly. "It's okay Jyn, I am afraid of the same things too."

She visibly relaxes, and a small smile returns to her face. "Whatever happened... on Raxus," she yawns. "Can we try that again sometime? Just... differently?"

He leans forward and kisses her forehead, "Different sounds good," he whispers into her hair. 

Her head comes to rest on her shoulder, her body snuggles closer to him. He listens to her breathing even out, feels her heart fall into a drowsy pace. 

And as sleep comes to claim him too, he doesn't even feel the least bit angry. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -There will not be another chapter of Arm's Length (but fear not). I like having two chapter's, two perspectives, two cameos, two lead-ups to another point in their relationship. It's very balanced.   
> -I originally was going to have this be from Jyn's perspective and the end was going to be "everything is perfect" kind of ending. Story drew me towards Cassian and a darker tone. I felt like it would be moving too fast if everything was solved as quickly, especially considering how much time this story covers.   
> -Lucky for you (depending on if you liked this) I feel like writing more in this universe. Cassian and Jyn can continue discovering their relationship while having adventures with their Adopted Children. We'll see where my muse takes me.    
> -I wrote this because I'm a sucker for slow burn and misunderstanding. It comes from reading too much X Files fic.   
> -Also wanted a fic that didn't have them together so easily after Scarif or had their sole source of angst come from their dead friends. Those are still important and 100% likely. But I wanted to write something about THEM and their own angst.   
> -I feel like Jyn mirrors Han in that they act like they could care less most of the time, but deep down they care too much and are "natural leaders" as Leia would say.   
> -Cassian and Leia definitely mirror each other. They're have very different personalities, but they are both wrecked by loss and would go to great lengths for their cause.   
> -RIP Carrie Fisher my heart is not the same. I wasn't originally going to have a scene focused on Leia but it ended up working out and it's my tribute to my space mom Carrie.   
> -I was reading about Chandaar (Luan and  Xiao's home planet) and I was getting vibes of Asian Influence on the history. I don't know if that's accurate but I had the twins' heritage have Asian influences because I can. I really enjoy their characters and want to continue developing them, possibly.   
> -Chapter titles are from a poem from Clearances 5 by Seamus Heaney that I read in my English class and cannot get out of my head.   
> -That's about all I have to say. Thanks so much for reading and (hopefully) enjoying. It feels good to write something and have readers who care.   
> -Follow me on tumblr.com (URL: sinceregalaxy) for Star Wars and whatever else I decide to reblog. 

**Author's Note:**

> -In the scene at the beginning where Cassian sings, I imagined it being the Spanish version of I Love You Too Much from Book of Life. Because, fuck, it's Diego singing and it's fantastic.   
> -A lot of other fix it stories are having Jyn be a sergeant. I chose to have her be a Lieutenant because Wookieepedia does not list sergeant as a rank in the rebel army. And I like Lieutenant better, fight me.   
> -Han and Leia were my OTP before I knew what an OTP was. I wanted to explore their relationship a bit, while having Jyn and Cassian parallel them and then diverge.   
> -Everyone on Hoth definitely would gossip 24/7 because they're alone on an ice planet. And if Han and Leia were always how the were in TESB the hoooo boy would there have been talk.   
> -I tried to stay true to the SW universe including terminology and planets.   
> -Let me know of any pressing mistakes you find.   
> -Thavks for reading.


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